good afternoon blog! im eating shin ramen again. yes i know its not good to eat primarily ramen but i dont care. im not gonna have ramen all summer. I just drank the broth.... i never usually drink the broth. my ear hurts now. it tasted good though... im still bad at using chopsticks but i am getting better. i dont know if im doing it correctly or something but im getting the food with it lol. health is painful but i got a lot done yesterday. I also watched all of pixie park on the boredom archive. all fourteen episodes. they are like two minutes long but i think im gonna watch it again. im kinda inspired to do something like it yk i think that would be fun. i would need to learn how to draw and animate and make a video and become comfortable with putting my voice on the internet but it would be fun. something just feels wrong about drinking this flavored salt water but i like it too much to stop. no more wasting food. I just passed off my guinea pigs to my neighbor to babysit for the summer. it was painful. i trust him and especially his mom to take good care of them but they are my babies. my emotional anchors. i hold them all the time and it calms me down. no cat, no guinea pigs, no mom or sister or dad... what am i going to do this summer. its kicking in now that ill be away from home and the anxiety is a powerful force. i know it will be good but i think im getting tired just from being anxious and i cant stop it. the only way its gonna calm down is when i get there. when im done packing and im on the bus and things are moving. test out is still sucking. puberty and reproductive health GET ME OUT OF HERE. also i have a viola lesson today and i havent practiced in THREE WEEKS. im about to lock in and practice for two hours and hope he doesnt notice. im filming an AUDITION but i dont really want to do the honors orchestra anyway so if i get in cool but if i dont also cool because that sounds scary and im not THAT good yet. anyways. ill see ya around! have a good day :)
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'ello 'ello... im eating shin ramen right now. it is so good. but very spicy. my nose is running and my lips burn. but im happy. I am eating it with chopsticks too which feels very unnatural but im getting the hang of it. i have no clue how people eat rice this way though, i need to up my skills. Testing out of health so far is... a jouney. its so cringe. the anger management lesson was awful... and the sex ed stuff... if anything its confirming just how ace i am because hell no. I cleaned my room today. it is finally completely clean. two days ago i put away all the clothes but there was still a ton of stuff left. i also vaccumed which was disgusting but also satisfying. I finally cleaned my guinea pig's cage too. my room smelled so bad. im getting them ready to live with their sitter for the summer aka my neighbor who is like 8 years old. But he's doing it without pay so im happy. as the time nears that i might leave home, the more anxious im feeling. mostly about my job. i will be arriving three weeks after everyone else, missing all the bonding, initial training, and introductions... im not really looking forward to it anymore. especially now that im settling into a rythm at home. sighhhhh.... packing is hard too. ive never packed for something so long term except for moving. like a week trip is easy, only the essentials and trust you'll be busy. maybe one book. moving you just pack everything unless you dont want it anymore. two months away from home?? I dont know!! im stressed for a multitude of reasons but primarily change... and having no consistent rythm for the last 7 weeks. In other news, my roots are growing out. its a little sad but also cool. i didnt know my hair grew this fast. some of it is just wearing out too but the color is sticking around. its more of a coppery fire red now but still vibrant. its permanent. I love it though so maybe ill just get more of the same or similar dye because i like it. my next color is purple though. i am packing hair dye for my summer job because i feel like around late july ill want a nw color or it will be very grown out. Yesterday's weather was really interesting. it was cloudy, then windy, then the trees rained their wetness but it didnt actually rain, then it was very sunny and hot, then it was thundering while it was very sunny, then it started hailing out of nowhere, then pouring rain! It really made clear to me just how much my mood is affected by the weather. I desperately want to live in the north west when i get older at least for a little while but if im uncontrollably depressed whenever its raining or dark, maybe i shouldnt... Well, i thought i had more to say but i dont. tis the beauty of consistently updating. have a good day!
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Oh my gosh blog i did NOT mean to slack off this much! I left off in the middle of my last week of school. not much is better ill be honest. that friday I had my wisdom teeth surgery. took me until about wednesday to feel sorta okay. im still uncomfortable over a week later but im not taking constant drugs or putting gauze in my mouth or icing my face for 8 hours straight. It wasn't all bad. I binged 68 episodes of The Rookie. On wednesday I helped my TOK teacher with his club. Its called CTEE and they are getting kicked out of the barn they usually meet in by the school. its so stupid. so instead of sending tons of computers to countries that need it, we just tore them apart for parts to get money. It was fun for me but also sad because I know that this club put a lot of work into the computers we were destroying. There was a bunch of tech there though and he said I could take anything i wanted because they had to clean out the barn. I got a mid 2010 imac which is very cool and a CD Burner that can burn 7 cds at once! The imac is finicky and unfourtunately it is signed in to the original owner and i cant reset it or anything without passwords. I asked my teacher about it and he said he knew the guy so maybe that will yeild some helpful results. I also talked to onio though and he told be about a way to completely wipe the computer without passwords but it would even wipe the OS so idk if im ready for that yet. Other than that, summer has been pretty uneventful. I am going to be going to an engineering camp in a few days thats far away from home and then right after that I am going to my summer job which is far away too. Im excited but mostly nervous. I have so much to do before i leave and i dont want to do any of it. Im just tired and sick of having things to do. Like health test out. NO MORE HOMEWORK PLEASE. its not fair. I JUST got access to the resources and im already stressed with a deadline. IM SICK OF DEADLINES. My semester GPA went from a 2.8 to a 4.4 in the last week of school and all i want is to not be in pain and have nothing to do. I guess thats not the way of life. The reason i havent updated though is because i wanted to update on my imac but it doesnt do copy/paste so i couldnt use my signature emojis. But i got access to another computer so now I can. I will try to update more often in the future. that way its more interesting and not so long. Thanks for being here. please text me or message me where ever you know me from if youre reading this. even just a "hi" because no one talks to me outside of school and while i COULD reach out to people i always feel like a parasite lately. Im being dramatic. but you probably can relate sometimes. anyways. i have other things to do i suppose. have a great day reader!
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hey hey! boy oh boy i dont want to do anything. Its the last week of school. First two days were normal but today and the next two days are all half days. I know this is unpopular opinion but I do not want school to end. I hate it sometimes for sure but for the most part I like having school. I get up in the morning, I see my friends, I see my crush, I like my teachers, I have a routine. sigh i just like school. Especially this semester. I guess I wont miss the homework but I have to test out of a class and start on the common app so its just never gonna stop. I have a TOK EA to write and a Final Project for APES and thats all I have left. I also have to study a little for my two exams but its not bad. I really gotta lock in though. I got home at 11 today and I slept for four hours. Thats because I did 7 freewrites last night so I was up till 3 something am. idk why ive done this to myself but its okay i guess. I couldve worked on this for like 20 minutes at a time each day instead of doing nothing but UGH HERE I AM. I did my HI for IB History in two days I can do this easy peasy. I even have an outline and everything i just gotta fill it out. I want to talk about the good things happening though. Two days ago I went for a lil skate around the neighborhood. Theres a 3 mile loop I went on. I stopped at the graveyard thats really close to my house too. I like the graveyard. Most of the people buried there were born in the 1800s and have interesting names. Theres a lot to observe there. Birds and bugs, different stones and weathering... Its peaceful. And I like to think about the names and the ones that fought in the Korean War. The people who died recently (2025) have grass over their graves but the rest of them have a thick layer of moss which I love. I kinda want to be buried there when I die. Its small and insignificant but i like it. Death is something thats always on my mind and I used to feel very threatened by it but lately I try to lean into it and think about it and i think its working. I have a lot of thoughts about death. and life. Anyways. I was skating back to my house when i passed this old dude in his driveway. I know he was looking for some help a few years ago and so i decided to stop by and talk to him. He hired me before i even asked for work. The vibes are right, i like this guy. I lowk like old people in general. Whenever i get really depressed I just think about how bad i want to be an old person. He is so old but hes out in his woods chopping down trees and hauling them to the front of his hard for free wood. So I went over today and weeded a section of his garden. It was really satisfying because i had to rip almost everything out. There was a huge spiders and a ton of other spiders though so im feeling a little gross but at least im making money. Im so tired but I have so much to do. Today was also good because for these half days we only have two class periods per day and in one of my first two hours is my crush :) so its pretty great to be in a class with him for an hour and a half gotta say. and my first two hours have like five people in them so that was nice. hes in three of my classes so i see him everyday this week :0 I could talk about him for a while but does it even matter? the school year ends in two days. Im just gonna enjoy these few days and then move on i guess. have a good day reader!!
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Welcome welcome. hows it rollin... been a fun few days but Im sorry for my absence. I always intend to update the blog and then I avoid it... idk why. Ive gotten better at putting my contacts in. Even better at taking them out. Today is disgusting sunday lol. Day past when i should DEFINITELY wash my hair, no makeup, glasses, pajamas all day, junky food, overall comfy gross feeling. Im trying to get some missing work in because its the LAST WEEK OF SCHOOL TOMORROW. I went to Saoirse's grad party yesterday. Im so happy for her and she seems to be doing slightly better maybe because the job and no hell school but also i miss her so much. We just need to hang out more but it feels like how i think it will feel when i dont see my sister everyday when i go to college. just a lil hole in the heart yk. But like i said im proud of her. Im listening to Jemma's Country Playlist right now. She puts playlists on her blog which i think is cool. I listen to her compromised playlist a lot. Not really a country person but this is more western music so im liking it. The other day i decided to long board around my neighborhood and town i guess and decided to stop at a friends house. He goes to mexico for half the year but they came back in march. He asked me out last year right before they left and then when i rejected him he decided to ghost me for six months. which is fine. hes immature. but i wanted to see his family. (characters: friend: derp; sister: darling) Derp's younger sister is awesome. shes 12 but shes into skating and spray paint and just started bass too. Darling was there even though Derp wasnt so we talked for a while. Their mom kept saying im so cool now and i was like wow thanks... thats strange. Ive told people theyre cool and they are always like "no im actually a loser chud unworthy of love" and im always like WHATS WRONG WITH YOU JUST ACCEPT THE COMPLIMENT but now i get it. I guess i looked cool. Red hair, contacts (lol), heavy eyeliner, vans, tall socks, knee length dark green shorts, goofy moose shirt, and headphones, rings, bracelets, necklaces, long board... like yeah ive worked hard to look swag... but i wouldnt say im cool... anyways. interesting experience. me and darling talked a lot about music and then were texting back and forth about it later too. Yesterday Derp texts me through darling's number (he has my number) and said "hi this is derp but since when do you listen to korn and limp bizkit?". I really want to give him the benefit of the doubt and like hes just curious or excited or whatever but knowing him its judgemental asf and borderline mysogynistic. So i havent replied. I dont listen to those two bands enough to know much about them i just know people who enjoy Tool (darling) might also enjoy those bands as well but i just know he wants to quiz me or some shit. anywayyyssss. Got some job stuff taken care of. Why do i have to sign a "Earths Origin Agreement" to work at this christian camp?? Sometimes i wonder if i should really work here but it will be a good experience and then i never have to go back. Oh also after some more research or whatever i dont think im bi. Mostly because im not really going to do anything about it... so maybe bicurious or whatever but im just gonna kinda ignore that. still ace tho lol. But yeah :) One more thing: If you know me... let me know what you think of the nickname rel. Im thinking of going by it this summer just for kicks. if you know me it will make sense where the nickname comes from but yeah i think im just gonna go for it lol. HAVE A GREAT DAY!!
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Got contacts yesterday. easy peasy. this morning was hell trying to put it in but after thirty minutes and raw eyes i did it. eyes hurt all day especially my left one. took them out and now my left eye hurts so much that i dont know what to do about it. Dyed my whole head red two days ago too so i look like a whole new person. lots of people arent recognizing me. I need to dye my eyebrows though because the redhead signature clear eyebrows arent cutting it with the dark red hair. Im so tired and overstimulated and tired of feeling THIS autistic. I like my hair though. and I got a funny shirt with a moose on it at the thrift and Girl Anarchist DVD by the Dresden Dolls. And Just For Men beard dye for my eyebrows so no one else comments on it hopefully. idk. Today was just weird. the world is different without dirt specks and finger print streaks. its too bright and sharp. and my eyes are so dry with all the wind. aka walking. I dont know if I officially came out here or whatever but im ace... well demiace if you really want to be specific. but lately ive been wondering if im bi too. somethings not adding up. i dont know who to talk to about it though. definitely not my parents. im not going to pursue it anyway so it doenst matter. I finished two freewrites today and im about to knock a few more out before i dye my eyebrows and go to bed. Im excited and so nervous for the summer. Alright see ya. hopefully you had a better day than I did.
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hello hello... rough day yesterday. Most prominent event: my brother's rabbit died. really unexpected. hes only two years old (barely) and he was out grazing... perfectly happy and fine and then suddenly he's gone. He mightve eaten something poisonous or just had a seizure or heart attack. We have no idea. My brother is having a real rough time though. He loved that rabbit so much. I collected some of his fur and im going to try to make a locket for him with the fur. My brother couldn't bear to hold his beloved rabbit so I held him as he died. It didnt take long though. I just feel awful for him. Im gonna miss the little guy too. He was always very excited to see you and I pet him for a few minutes most days after school. It was very soothing. My brother was always making songs about him and bringing him out in the yard to play. Whenever someone asks how my weekend went I almost say "well my brother's rabbit died" because its top of my mind. But then I realize I dont actually feel like talking about it so I just say "it was good!" and move on. Anyway, that kinda dampens things. Ive never seen my little brother cry that much before. The rabbits name is Haven and I think im going to code a shrine/memorial for him sometime so keep an eye out. On lighter news, we started watching Casa Blanca in TOK today. I have so many freewrites. and a C in that class. my current term GPA is 3.0 but my cumulative is a 3.9 so idk. Im going to need to raise that though. I have some extra credit opportunity in Mythology so im going to do that too. I have a 93% in the class which isn't bad but anything helps. Its barely an A i guess. I just need to lock in. My mom got me a swimsuit that is appropriate enough for my summer job. I love it. Its a matching shorts and bra set with dinos on it and a black tank to go over it all. For context, my usual swim suit is a long sleeve and bikini bottoms but since the long sleeve shows my midrift a little its a no go. fine by me i guess i love this new one. Im starting to gather things for leaving and my mom scheduled a send off party which feels a little overkill but i appreciate the sentiment. Its starting to feel real though. And the anxiety is through the roof. One step at a time though, thats all im telling myself. I miss my friends. especially Saoirse. They are all officially graduated now. And Myk31. Did you know you say that like Michael? I was always just spelling it out lol. Anyways. Have a good day reader... keep on keeping on...
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Hello there reader! Today I woke up and I actually did stuff. I braided my hair first thing because im on like day four or something its remarkable and also gross. Anyway. I dyed half of my hair red. i know someones gonna say its already red. i mean like rainbow red. but only my undercut and two strips in the front because of my summer job. I want to dye my whole head this color though its so pretty. I still have some more dye left because i only used a little less than half so i might try to dye as much as i can before I run out. Ill have to be strategic though. I read my job's handbook and its like SUPER strict. almost none of my shorts will be acceptable and I need a new bathing suit. oh well. I understand being proffessional but the way they worded it felt more like sexist. its fine. its christain based and they are dealing with a wide variety of cultures and all that so i understand. It was funny though. in the handbook they talk about relationships between a boy and girl and regulations on that between a boy and girl and im just thinking... so i guess it IS okay to be gay here? I know they DO NOT think its okay but it doesnt say that in the haaaaandbookkkk! Sometimes i wonder if its okay to work at a place i dont agree with on topics like gender and sexuality but I think that my views can be exposure for these people and so while im not going to SUPPORT everything they do or say I am still going to work there. But yeah. I also cleaned my pets cage finally. its borderline abuse when im going through another depression episode and i feel really bad but theyve also saved me many times. They are happy though, clean and fed and watered. and i cleaned my room. halfway through my mom told me to clean my room which then triggered a long and angry sobbing session and i think she finally acknowleges what ive been struggling with so thats nice and she helped me clean the rest of my room so that feels better. Now im trying to do something on the computer productive. Im writing this blog. Ill probably do the wordle... I should do more TOK work i still have a million things to do. Anyways. Its memorial day and Family Fun Time starts in less than an hour so we shall see how that goes but i think it could be fun actually. See you later!
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hows it rollin reader... today was convocation so I played for that with Chamber orchestra. Pretty boring because its just hogwarts hymn over, and over, and over again. but I had a sorta fun time with my friends waiting in my classroom so thats fun. I took my sleep meds last night and i think they are still lingering... or maybe i just got really good sleep... i cant tell. im really sleepy though. I took them at 8 and then fell asleep around 10:15 i think... i know they started working around 9:30 because i was calling a friend and kept zoning out so i knew i needed to go to bed but idk. maybe i just need to catch up. ive committed myself to this week of trying it and taking them at 8 or earlier and seeing how i feel. Im tired of being as depressed as i was last week and the week before. that sucked and i considered committing too many times. not actually but it was like those thoughts that never leave and all you want is for them to go away because its scary. I think sleep will help. I bought a four pack of Deftones CDs off of ebay last night and im really excited. Diamond Eyes and Around the Fur and two others. Its 90s day today and i love it. yesterday was beach day. Its because this week is junior take over week. I already dress kinda 90s but i brought my portable cd player, tamagotchi, and game and watch. At lunch my friend and I played mario and took numetal pictures lol. just the pose mostly but yeah it was fun. Hackysack is coming back and I think the best thing about that is that everyone sucks. Like watching them is so entertaining becuase they are all new to it. But i think its great that this has interested many a boy and they arent on thier phones as much. Nothing i dislike more than a phone gamer addict. Tomorrow is anything but a backpack day and idk what to do... maybe my guitar case. I feel like most options are lame. Welp! have a good day reader!
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hello hello whats up netizens. Today marks my 40th blog post. Kinda crazy to me. But also not really. Its been 178 days since my first blog post so ive only blogged 22% of the time. Still. I used to mask and my blogs were a bit more preformative. I also used to edit them every week so they were shorter. I stopped doing that awhile ago. Now you get 100% raw diary style. I only keep secret three things: names, locations, and the REALLY personal stuff. So if this bites me later in life so be it. My AP exam went really well yesterday. Yesterday was just a good day in general. good people, good food, etc etc... well it was good until i got home and then yk. I watched Verionica Mars though so that was nice. And a jazz concert which was really good. Im still sad about the seniors leaving but less so. Jemma added me to a group chat and that made me feel really loved first of all but also now theres a better chance of hanging out with my friends. I was supposed to see one of my friends this morning but through some miscommunication and other annoying stuff I didnt. Now my parents are annoyed that im annoyed and obviously im bad at changes in plans so im feeling pretty crap-o. But i have plans that are hopefully not gonna fall through this afternoon so thats nice. I think im gonna make cookies for her. Im trying not to eat today because Im having some gut issues which sucks but this is what works. no food and a ton of water. but that also makes me tired. I might eat some veggies n stuff though... anyways, i hope you have a nice day with this nice weather reader. stay awesome.
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Im listening to a song that I listened to a bajillion times last year during my worst depressive episode at the time. Its strange. I feel the waves of sadness and hopelessness but also I love the song. Its beautiful and heart wrenching and i never want to stop listening to it. But I have to be careful becuause its comforting on a bad day but triggering on a good day. I dont get it. The last month and specifically last week was the worst ive been in my whole life. I dont really want to talk about it but I have never struggled that much before. I feel lame for saying it too. Sigh. Today is my last day with some of my seniors. I have AP environmental science tomorrow morning so I said goodbye to three of my close friends, Saoirse being one of them. Its sad but I know they are ready. They cant stay with me forever. I went to the thrift store two days ago with my sister and I got a nice leather wallet, A leather bag, two boxes of hair dye, two cool under shirts (one being eddie bauer), a ring, a necklace, and i think thats it. All for roughly $40. This is why I love thrifting. I love the bag because it really reminds me of my grandma. And I needed a nuetral bag. I think ill dye my hair when I get home from the summer. Im nervous the summer is going to change me. Its not like im amazing and happy and all that but Im scared it will make me basic. I want piercngs, I listen to good music, I want to dye my hair, I tend to dress a little alternative... you get the idea. I like who I am and who im trying to be. Theres obviously some stuff to work on but yeah. I guess if i do change i will probably thinik its better. But im kinda cool rn. sigh. stupid worries. I had originally been assigned program crew at my job for the summer. But i dont like working with kids and so i emailed them asking to change to rec or ANYTHING else. Then i found out this guy i enjoy is working program too and you work rec in the afternoons sometimes. Just as i was gonna email back and say like its okay ill stay in program they double emailed me saying i switched to kitchen. I should be happy but idk. This job sounds more and more like a bad idea. It was so promising but then im missing a few weeks for camps and then all my senior friends are syaing "lets hang over the summer" and i just hate this. I hate change. I dont want to stay in highschool forever and i certainly havent peaked but i have routine. I know the people. the rooms. I have memories here. safe people. I feel like the promise of graduation is like im walking a plank. My friends have fallen off the sides and im just walking off the end. slowly. its incredibly agonizing. My parents are saying "well in work people just dissapear with no explanation" and "highschool isnt all there is" and "youre being dramatic". But this is all ive known. These are the people Ive known. This is the life ive known. and if im being honest i really didnt think id make it this far anyway. And it feels like the end of the world. An anticipated jump scare in a horror movie. I just want to tap out now. but i cant. I cant read the end of the book. SIGH. I hope that things get better. Next week is Junior take over which is a fun spirit week thing and im looking forward to it. Orchestra Olympics is always a highlight. And i can still hang out with these friends of mine outside of school... see you later :)
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My AP Precalc exam was today and i knew i didnt do great but after confrencing with the rest of the human populus (the swarms of precalcers) I think i bombed it. at least its over i guess. still feeling pretty low today. idk usually i can bring myself out of a hole but the last three days it only works for like ten minutes and then i crash again. I think part of it is my lack of sleep, even though ive been getting more lately... also probably just feeling a little burnt out idk. I just want to be alone for a while but also i miss people and can feel myself reaching out for connection. I think my best friend of 5 years is drifting away. shes not responding to my messages, reels, or stories which is a little weird. We had a sorta fight not really but it was a tense moment in october at homecoming but i thought we fixed it. but now im offering to hang out and shes ghosting me. I guess thats fine. Shes going off to college next year too. She skipped freshman year. At least i have my sister. thats a wonderful thing. when we arent mad at each other. I wonder if im the problem. Ususally i feel that its a shared thing. you hurt me, i hurt you, we are upset but we work it out. but maybe im just a bad friend sometimes. more often now. Next week imma try to go to bed at like 9:30, practice actually taking my meds so that works. i hate doing it but ill probably have to over the summer. maybe ill start working out again too. see if any of that helps. maybe journaling too. sigh. why cant i just feel better and then work on better habits. I drove to school this morning so im gonna drive me and my sister back which i am looking forward to. even though its like a five minute drive. maybe we can stop at the thrift store. I love the thrift store and now that theres one nearby im always stopping in to see if theres anything good. last week i got a red hot chili peppers shirt and an elton john CD so not bad! Im sorry these blogs have a depressive and repetitive theme lately. thanks for being here. and replying to me in discord. it means a lot.
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AP Precalc exam tomorrow. Friends leaving on friday. Empty inside. AP Environmental Science exam friday. Scholarship project thats easier than my body seems to register. Surgury in like 5 weeks hanging over my head. Listening to my old music. Making new playlists to burn onto CDs. Boy ive liked since freshman year talking to another girl thats not me. ex talking stage hanging over my head with a ton of "what if"s. Thoughts about mortality and the value of human life. Grandparents deteriorating. Government depressing. World falling apart? Global Warming? My socks stink. I cant keep my room clean for more than a day. Toilet Biome in Minecraft (you know who you are). Showers are still a burden why can't i mature out of that. Nightmares coming back. Tense relationship with parents for some reason. Emergency safe families placement coming today and staying till June ish. change is a fucking constant i never asked for. Communicating autism to future boss good idea? Learn bass. Practice viola for once. Turn in 8 missing assingments. Do i hate the male species? Friends low self esteem makes me sad when i think they are some of the best people (AHEM saoirse). Do i invite people to my backyard for the first time ever because i actually have friends? will they show up? Anxiety about summer. Sick of school. conversation with mom and now everythings fine lol. I hate AI. Stop saying you can't unring the bell. I wish i was a worm and my life was simply dirt.
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Hey there, last post was pretty rough. For some context, i had just gotten off of a 3 hour doom scroll and realized i dont want to do anything i used to love doing and felt really empty and awful! but its okay. I went outside, jumped on the trampoline, came back in, threw my phone into the basement (maybe a little careless but it was cathartic), wrote that blog post, turned on some 2000s happy music really loud, and cranked out the scholarship essay right there. Then I went on to do the rest of the things i needed to do. Then I got ready for the day (at 6pm) and went to my friend Myk31's house for a bonfire. It was pretty awesome. Saoirse was there and her boyfriend, as well as someone i used to know in elementary school, a kid ive seen around at school, a girl i didnt know, and also Jemma who I didnt realize was Jemma. I always saw her at school a few years ago and she was very goth at the time and I thought that was really awesome and lowk looked forward to the glimpses every morning but I never realized it was Jemma. It came up later in the night which i thought was really funny. She didn't know it was me either so it was a fun reveal that Saoirse and Myk31 got to witness i guess. I had a lot of fun though. I never really hang out with friends like that, like outside of school, but I really enjoyed it and want to do it more. But of course almost all those friends are graduating this week and I have already cried about it a couple times but im really happy for them (not). Today was kinda better. I woke up at 11am (because i took a shower at 2am by accident (I meant to lay on my floor until the shower was availible but then i really knocked out. when i woke up it was 2am but i didnt know until after my shower)), then i ate breakfast and got ready to go to my grandma's for mothers day. After a painful hour or so in the car with my parents (really wanting me to work on stuff even though i have been getting carsick doing anything since forever) we arrived and I ate approximately 7 outshine popsicles while we talked to my grandma. After that we went on a walk with her outside and that was really nice. Shes so cute even though its really scary how she's forgetting everything including me. Another painful car ride home with my parents. I was trying to explain why I wanted a flip phone and they understood that as just "delete all the apps off your phone and let me block them" and then saying im addicted and blah blah blah. yes i am. I brought this up. but i dont want you to CONTROL IT. Thats agaisnt the point. so anyway im kinda still salty about that. I have just been in my room the rest of the day. I doomscrolled until my phone died which was like 45 minutes but now its just dead on my floor for the last 4 hours. because i do hate it but i dont want to be controlled. and i feel conflicted because of my connections on instagram and my 100 day streak on BeReal... also i feel like no one ever talks to me when insta is deleted even if they have my number so im just stuck. I want to ditch the phone and the trap and surveillance but I also dont want to lose friends. but maybe they are fake because they wont just text? idk. Anyways. I drew spiderwebs on my converse and wrote flyleaf lyrics on them which is pretty cool, watched some bass tutorials, and ate some food, read all my friends blog posts... yep. pretty good evening. I have a final exam i havent studied for tomorrow so i might stufy a little for that. I have my AP exams this week (kms) I just cant seem to rally and lock in for these exams. its okay i guess. Ill lock in the night before or something and it wont be my best work but at least this absolute hell of a year will be over. im sorry for the longest post ever but thanks for being here. Im on day three of wearing the fake nose ring out of the week i have to before i can actually peirce my septum. hopefully my mom doesnt flake out because she has to be there legally. that would feel pretty crappy. ANYWAYSSSS see ya later!
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I think that maybe I hate myself... If I didnt why would i treat myself like this. I need to get out. i know how to get out. but i cant seem to do the steps. my moms trying to help me actually get things done and im just not doing them. Ive lost my creativity. Ill expereice adrenaline from either sailing, fighting, or nearly getting caught scrolling for hours and i think im okay. im not depressed. and then im alone. and all i want is to stop exsisting. But I know thats a lie. i love the sun and i love the beach and i love history and george orwell. I love humans and their weirdness and comradery when it matters. Its the damn fucking phone. And i need someone to save me while i hate them for ruining my life. but that person has to be me. i have to save me. I cant keep going through this cycle of feeling okay and happy and finishing a million homework assignments and then rotting on the floor, scrolling on my phone, wishing i was dead. I cant do this anymore. I have a plan. and my moms gonna hate it and no ones gonna support me but they arent supporting me anyway. Im emptying my already almost empty bank account. im getting a flip phone and a car navigator. im deleting my apps and im never going back. im gonna dye my hair and pierce my nose and buy black clothes and im going to journal. fucking journaling i hate it but i used to do it and i need to again. the nightmares are coming back and im not going to do this again. wish me luck. I know two of my most loyal friends read this and even though im pretty sure you two arent religious please pray for me. because its between me and god now. anyways. sorry for the heavy post but i need to change my life im sick of this. im safe btw. these are intense emotions but they are just emotions. im going to get through it but this time im changing things so that i dont have to get through it again. now to go write a fucking scholarship essay that i really need and im really looking forward to going to this camp. remember this always, reader, you matter. and i care about you. and im going to be okay. but im sick of the cycle and im breaking it with no mercy. thanks for being here for the processing session.
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hello hello, may the fourth be with you, yada yada, OKAY to buisness. The last weekend was wonderful. why? my parents took a getaway weekend. friday evening, saturday, and sunday morning all to myself and my siblings. it was beautiful. I cleaned my entire room which was so nice, it hasnt been actually cleaned in forever just tidied. I went thrifting with my sister and got four new CDs, WOW 2000s christian hits, WOW 1990s christian hits, DC Talk album, and Santana. pretty excited, i already listened to them all the way through a couple times. I also worked on some missing work at a coffee shop and took my sibling out to dinner. Everyone just did their own thing and kept the house clean and ate good food and got along. Then, you know, my parents came home and everyone was cold and irritable again and its because of them i know it now. Maybe i will talk about this with them but whenever i have tried in the past its not gone well and i have to spend a ton of time alone to feel okay again. Im being dramatic but i am getting so sick of it. I have two weeks of hell coming up, SAT retake, AP Exams, missing work deadlines... I have surgery coming up in June... but i can look forward to moving away for a few weeks so thats good. Just gotta lock in on the vision. wish me luck.
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Crazy day. I woke up tired and sick. I got to drive myself to school (thus getting 15 more minutes of sleep). I fell asleep in my first hour again. scrolled pinterest my second hour. GOT INTO THE TOP ORCHESTRA IN MY THIRD HOUR. And i would just like to say thank you so much to Myk31 for celebrating with me lol. Most of the orchestra is gone today because of this feild trip (that i cant afford and i used to live where they are going so its not worth it). I auditioned to show my director that im putting effort in again and maybe i could get front stand next year (im in the middle orchestra, symphony) so I go to look at the chamber line up to see who of my friends got in and all that and I look at the violas... pretty fricking sick. I was kinda in shock because i genuinely didnt think i was good enough. Myk31 just laughed at me but then he said "im proud of you" which made me really happy, lil cheesy ik but thank you. So im still excited about that. I just finished day 3/4 of my AP PreCalc exam. Lunch is next and i think im gonna braid my hair and change my pants. Im wearing tights under these ripped jeans because its cold out but i dont like how it looks. I was looking so nice yesterday. I love when my hair is curled but today i look like a chud. Im hoping to get caught up on some sleep this weekend. I have to study for the SAT retake and I want to clean out my room a bit for summer. Im working 6 hours away from home so I will need to figure out what I want to bring with me and all that. Plus ive been accumulating for some time. lil PSA, one of my good friends from middle school is making a site!! Her name is Nyx, she moved a while ago but we keep in touch. Anyways she said not to link her site yet because its pretty bunz lol but you can probably find it already. Im excited for this weekend. My parents are doing a lil getaway so its just me and my siblings at home. I think it will be fun hopefully. I was on Kuroi's site the last two days and catching up with kirby and others and that was really nice. I miss them so much. Its kinda weird because obviously i dont know them in person like i know saoirse and myk31 but i still love them and they really helped me when i was first starting out. So now im extra motivated to keep working. I feel like im growing out of the current aesthetic but I also love this site so much and it feels too good to touch. I might just help Nyx with her site first and just update the blog for now. I hope you have a good day! If you have any recs of stuff to add lmk!
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Wow, last entry was kinda chaotic and then i just dissapeared. sorry about that. took me a while to get over those events and then a week later a friend kinda asked me out even though i feel like ive sent SO MANY signals NO NO NO but its fine. rejection in 8th grade and then hints for the next 4 years isnt enough i suppose. MY FAULT. Im just a lil sick of the male species. I kinda have a crush on someone now though but its very different situation because nothings gonna happen im just dreaming. This is peak intertainment. Ive been slacking so much though. I need to do so much. Im retaking the SAT this weekend, I have a final exam tomorrow, and i have 10 missing assignments. I gotta lock in but im so SICK of school and work and feeling this exhausted all the time. I think the current events are taking it out of me. I just scroll on emo instagram and feel better and listen to music for hours. sometimes i clean a part of my room and then i stop. I wish I had energy for all the things I need to do. I don't work out lol. Although I have been more physically active but I feel pathetic to say the least. I think im a dissapointment to my mother though she would not say that but shes getting sick of me and me of her. I wish the school would stop emailing her. I havent dyed my hair or gotten the peircings I want but hopefully I will soon. Im gonna wait to dye my hair until fall because Im working somewhere that wont approve of it over the summer. I got my licence too which is nice. Maybe Ill try to update this more often so I can yap more but I dont want to make too long of a post. Have a good day!
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Heyo, hows it goin. yk just for like... warning... if you are in my life, i might write about you. So. ANYWAY this guy I was talking to kinda just friendzoned me (he may or may not read this i have no idea) but its weird because i was kinda just trying to be friends anyway? This always happens to me bro (3 times now) like ill be hanging with a guy or something and then they back up and are like FRIENDS and im like... yeah? and then they get all akward and ghost me. boys are weird. oh well. "dont want to send mixed messages" MY ASS. like no beef but are we serious? some other plans are falling through too and THIS IS WHY i isolate bro. because this always happens. I think im just gonna focus on working out and spending more time in my bible and practicing my instruments. After prom happens i think im gonna dye my hair red and get my septum pierced. Maybe not. This is my cool off period. Also firetruck hair wont look good with my bright purple dress. Im getting my drivers licence soon too so this is good. Im gonna look around for people to work for so i can actually have money. have a wonderful day reader...
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WHATS UP the weather is perfect, collage rehearsal just happened (which is the biggest concert of the year with all of the music programs and ensembles), and im listening to some pretty fire music. Its reminding me of the good parts of last summer which were few but well soundtracked. my house smells like childhood spring and birds make me SO HAPPY YOU HAVE NO IDEA. today really sucked actually because i was really sleepy and in a kinda depressive mood. I had a really vivid and disturbing dream that dredged up some past hurt... so that wasnt fun but I took a nap when i got home and was able to enjoy the rest of my day. My friend is selling their clothes so they can save money to move out with their boyfriend next year and they have SUCH A COOL STYLE so Im going over to their house tomorrow to look at some of their things so i can be dripped out too :D. Im just basking in the glory of a nostalgic feeling and decent mood. i know its temporary. HAVE A FANTAZTIK DAY MY FRIEND you will go on to do great things!! p.s. a word about the media of the day: painted by David Hettinger, I classified this as "fine art" and gave a presentation on it in my TOK class
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Hey! It has been some serious time. I was planning on taking a bit of a longer break but I've been really missing my site and wanted to update the blog and some other things so I cut it a little short but I still got over a month in there! Wow what a week. Ive just been super stressed and tired all week. On top of that i havent been super...shall we say... aligned with my family... some more points of evidence adding to my hypothesis that "they love me but they dont like me". I know its sad and maybe not true but its just the amount of tolerance they have for me forgetting to do the dishes during one of the most difficult weeks Ive had in a while... my brother was literally... UGH i know this is cryptic but I dont want to get into it. Im just frustrated and a little hurt and I know it won't land well to bring it up like "mature people". I'm just listening to more music, so much deftones and peirce the veil. I cant play my music outloud because its too much screaming and everyone hates that too. I FINALLY finished setting up my room. I literally moved in a month ago and until yesterday I had a pile of stuff in the corner and everything was a mess. So it feels good to feel good in there yk. I want it to be my safe haven again. I was trying to be off music more and stay out in the living room more and at first it worked out but I think everyone just gets sick of me after a while. On a lighter note, im almost done with my research paper for IB History and am turing it in today so that will be a weight off my chest of the year. My mom picked it up and looked at it just now and was like "you made it seem longer". MOTHER i told you it was 2,200 words what did you think that meant? I wrote it in two days. The research took longer but serisouly i was just procrastinating. Im going to a protest tomorrow and a bunch of my friends are coming so Im looking forward to that a lot. I gotta work on fixing my grades up a bit but other than that everything is swimmy. Im doing my drivers test in about a week and im kinda scared but also really excited. My parents are telling me all this stuff, no phones in room (resonable i guess), no one on one hangouts, and you wont be driving outside of where we say you can... but c'mon guys im 17, how much longer are you gonna keep this up. ANYWAYS sorry for the long post but its good to catch up! Stay rebellious ;)
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Hey there! We painted the basement walls this weekend which was kinda boring and my brother was a ragebait machine the whole time. I think ive decided to move back to my room because I miss being alone. I will break that news this evening and we shall see how it goes. Maybe I will miss having someone there when I go to bed? But mostly I think I will be glad that I don't have to make sure he gets up on time or listen to him nagging about the way I do things, or walk into a cloud of cologne. Ive just been so lazy and now I am really behind on schoolwork.Its not awful but also I didnt do any work over the weekend so. That was stupid. This weekend I have another science competition. Looking forward, I have a spring break trip, some concerts, regionals for science, my brother's birthday, and the SAT. I stated taking an SAT class on sunday nights. It is so boring but if you think about it it is making me money through scholarships so I will suffer through AND LIKE IT. Well, thats all I have. I will try to update tomorrow. stay cool!
Wazzerp people. Today was alright. I had an eye exam which went fine. I have really bad eyes though. Im trying to avoid all socials and like youtube and pinterest. Its hard actually. None of it has been on my phone for over a month now but i was on it on my computer still. Fake inspiration is exhausting but now I have to act on it to have something to do. Anyways, apparently I was super tired because I slept right after I got home. I was reading the bible and completely knocked out until 6pm so thats cool. Its been a lot lately. Plus, out safe families placement went home today. It was really sudden too. She was meant to stay for 3 months or more but her mom pulled her after just two weeks. I can't say much but there are a lot of conflicting feelings. Mostly sad but this is the way it is. Maybe we will have a new placement soon. I feel like I was just finally settling into my brother's room kinda like we were in for the long haul and now I could move back? I dont know. I probably won't because I like hosting for SF and so I will stay out of my room at least for now so we have that space availible. Thanks for being here, stay awesome.
Hello hello!! Today has been good so far, its a day off of school so thats been nice. its sunny out for once, and im inspired to get some good habits going (ive already started). Also, not bothering my cat which is really hard. He is SO CUTE but he keeps scratching me and I just gotta learn to respect him. Its going well actually and no scratches yet. He even layed down on my lap so thats reassuring. I should probably do some homework today but EH. I think something is due tomorrow technically but this class has no due dates so WHO CARES!! I refilled all the bird feeders outside and cleaned the kitchen table so my mom doesn't have to worry about it. I just reheated some Focaccia (bread) for lunch and I will probably clean the kitchen after that. I honestly can't wait to live alone bruh. When my parents are working I just DO STUFF without being asked because I want to. I dont hate cleaning i just hate being told what to do. I gotta work on that. ANYWAYS! Have a great day.
Hello there! I know itβs been quite some time, and for that I feel kinda bad. Iβve been thinking about updating constantly, but for some reason I kept avoiding it. We had a week of snow days, then a bunch of random days off here and there, and now itβs already mid winter break. Crazy. I went skiing this weekend, which was super fun. Anyways, I hope you have a good day.
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no media - taking a break from pinterest
Hello there! It has certainly been some time! Sorry about the lack of updates. It was a busy week of frantically studying and then exam week and then just general boredom. But I'm back and I'm feeling pretty good. I'm trying to go analog for 2026 and its proving to be harder than I would think. The only problem is my parents. They are skeptical. I found a great flip phone that adresses all of their concerns they brought up earlier and they are still not having it. Whatever. I've deleted almost everything off my phone and im working on getting it to be down to the amount of stuff I would have on a flip phone. I'm getting the things I need to operate without the ease of a smart phone. Im feeling pretty good. My parents dont get it. My screen time is 30 minutes on my phone from texting and editing photos and Im feeling more positive and I have so much time on my hands. I feel less weight. And they don't get it. Its frustrating. Why would I step back in time to more inconvenience? because I see an issue with today's society being rotted away by the sheer ease of the smartphone. soon enough its gonna be Wall-E and no ones gonna think for themselves. Anyway. Enough with the angst. I watched Ferris Bueller and Back to the Future today which was nice. I love those movies. I went to the mall yesterday with my sister and friend and bought two sets of earrings from Hot Topic. Im excited to wear them. One set is silver celestial themed and the other is silver gothic crosses. I needed more silver earrings because the rest of my jewlery is silver and all my other earrings are gold and from like 6th grade. Well, thats about it. I start a new semester and two new classes next week and I'm excited. Onwards!
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Good afternoon reader! Today started off great. I got to bed a little too late last night but that is okay. I was in a really good mood this morning and so was my sister and I made myself lunch and ate breakfast... it was great. I was on a temporary break from being vegitarian over break because where I was it was almost impossible not to eat meat so I ate chicken a lot but now im back home and can be fully vegetarian again. Being back in school is a little strange but settling back into routine is kinda easy. Exams are next week and so far im only nervous about AP Pre-Calc because my grade is a little low. I have a good craft project to work on at home though so im trying to be as efficient with my time as possible so I can do that. Have a great day!
Today's mission: get as much homework and studying done as I can
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Hello reader and happy new year!! I am optimistic for this new year, at some point in the last few months I turned 17 and its been a year since I COULDVE gotten my licence. Breaking News: I still don't have it. But I want to have it now so I've been working toward that and I hope I can get it before summer. My vacation was relaxing and inspiring. I feel much happier and reset and even though I REALLY dont want to go back to school I think it will be okay. I like learning and I like seeing my friends but everyone else is so frustrating to be around. Also theres limited windows and the color scheme of my school is reminicent of a prison mixed with insane asylum. I have a good imagination but not that good. On a different topic, My new years resolutions are as follows: write more letters, read more books, get my licence, and stay far far away from social media. My resolutions change because the things that are important to me change over the year but im going to try to pursue these with more passion than I have in the past. I hope you had a restful holidays reader. Have a fantastic new year!
Today's mission: write a letter and get ready for school
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Hello there reader! Two days away from christmas and im feeling a little... just tired i think but im trying not to be too sad. we leave for my grandma's tomorrow and then to our big trip on christmas morning. I sorta packed but not really. Also Im moving rooms to the basement. There is less space down there so I have to pack away all my random trinkets. Its the second day of winter break and my sleep schedule is already awful. Im gonna try and clean my room up a bit though even though im packing some things away because coming back from a big trip is so stressful when you cant see your bedroom floor. Im sorry its been a while since i updated. I wont be updating much the next few weeks becuase im not bringing any computers on our trip. Also, if any of you have suggestions on how to make a small corner of your workout room basement thats ALL GRAY feel a little bit cozier, send me a message or leave one in my guestbook. it would be much appreciated. I hope you have a wonderful holidays reader. Stay classy
Today's mission: clean room and pack
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Goooooooddd morninggg! I had the second half of my precalc test this morning and i feel like i did awful but at least its over. In environmental science we learned about meat production and its environmental impacts. Ive been a vegitarian for about three weeks because i saw a horror video of meat production and ive been trying to forget about it but now that i have evidence that our current meat production system is incredibly unsustainable and harmful as well as cruel im just not going back. so the goal of the day is to convince my mother i havent been fear mongered into being vegitarian. but hey! heres a toast to my 20th entry! i feel like its significant idk. oh also i killed my tamagotchi. like two weeks ago. i just forgot about it. ANYWAY have a good day reader :]
Today's mission: find nutritional food
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Good afternoon dear reader, I am so, so tired. Yesterday I had to go watch my brother's band concert. He also had a jazz solo. To my suprise he did AMAZING! I was very shocked but also thrilled for him. Then, out of some weird need to DO something other than homework, I decided to add a desk to my room. I've hated it that to work at a table I had to work at the kitchen table so there we go. Now I have a desk in my room. Then I did some math homework but pathetically, I was tired. So I went to bed around 11pm. This morning I had my precalc test. It wasn't SO bad. I was definitely more anxious than I had to be. But also I dont think I did better than I have in the past. At this point, I have given up on trying to get higher than 85%. Im still gonna try, but i dont care whether or not it happens anymore. In other news, my other classes are slowing down their workloads before the break which is nice. In my Humanities class we are having a party on friday so that will be fun. I hope. Have a gread day reader, stay classy
Today's mission: no mission, it jinxes me
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Hello there! Today is slightly sunny and its been nice to see from inside this jail of a building. Its okay. I have a Precalc test tomorrow and still so much homework to turn in before then AND I have a sorta bad grade in there so if I do badly on this test... that means the exam is my last hope... jeez. Anyway, after school im just gonna do math i guess. No other class of mine is being evil like this. A week before christmas. Anyway, whenever I sit down to write these I always forget the great thoughts I had earlier in the day or yesterday. Have a sunny day reader, stay cool
Today's mission: MATH
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Hey there reader :) I hope you are doing well. Once again I am feeling stressed. I didn't do homework over the weekend which was an unwise decision but I got good sleep. I already finished two assignments during class while keeping up with notes so thats good. I don't have any plans for the rest of this week so I can just do as much homwork and review at home as possibly. This is good practice for senior year where I will be taking three AP classes (Calculus B/C, Stats, Physics). But yep! Just been listening to worship music today because I was feeling like it. I hope you have a spectacular day reader.
Today's mission: do homework and dont lose my mind
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Hello reader. I hope you are having a good day so far. I am stressed. Yesterday's day off was really nice, I got a lot done including having time to clean my room. Back to school the next day and the list of homework is only getting longer. To make things better, we are holding a talent show AT MY HOUSE. So when I get home homework is not really happening which DOESNT MAKE ME FEEL LESS STRESSED AT ALL. But you know what? Its okay. Stress builds character. Im just trying to use every minute to the best I can and try to avoid being cynical. Thats really hard btw. I really just want to sink into a hole of hatred and anger right now but IM CHOOSING NOT TO. Anyway, I hope you have a wonderful rest of your day, stay classy.
Today's mission: Do homework and don't spiral
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WHATS UP! Luneth is feeling good today. Day off of school, chance to be productive and get stuff done! I have some missing assignments to do, maybe do my nails, clean piggies cage, maybe add something to this website. I'm kinda at a (coder's block?) some kind of creative block. Its driving me nuts. But also since im not inspired ive been just doing my homework out of sheer boredom. There are some serious benefits to feeling disgusting after scrolling.
In other news, SAOIRSE I WILL BE INTERESTED IN YOUR MONSTER HIGH DOLLS. And also Myk31 your webmaster page is fire. I need a hobby lol. I mean coding for this site is a hobby but how many more pages can I add? I used to crochet a lot but I got sick of that too. Have a great day reader, you are pretty snazzy :)
Today's mission: Be the girl and do the things
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Hello dear reader! Today has been a good day actually. I asked for a friends contact information and he gave it to me which is nice. I woke up in a good mood today which is also nice. I'm pretty stressed about my History class but thats okay. Just trying to do as much work as I can all the time. Another peice of fun news: I switched my personal computer to firefox! It is much faster than chrome and also not owned by a sketchy monopoly!! Other than that, gotta do some cleaning for my room, maybe some basic self care, and suprise suprise, more homework! Have a fantastic day reader, you are so cool!
Today's mission: Homework and cleaning, maintain sun-shiney attitude
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Goooooooodddd moorrrninggggg! feeling pretty sleepsy but I'm okay. I also have a lot of homework. Because of my great trip coming up for christmas, Im trying to get as much done as I can before so I don't have to think about school the whole time there. Unfourtunately, we have exams two weeks after break so I will probably bring flashcards to keep reviewing. Oh by the way, yesterday I did not stay focussed and I ended up fixing a bunch of boring stuff on my site. Have a great day reader! You are awesome!
Today's mission: Finish APES Packet and turn in other missing work
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HELLO THERE!! Looking for a job maybe, I want money to go to this ~SUPER COOL SCIENCE CAMP SOMEWHERE IN THE WORLD~ in the summer but it's quite expensive. Theres this ~SUPER COOL CLASS OPPORTUNITY~ there that is $700 extra which is INSANE plus the already large fee to go to the camp. Im very hyped up right now because I just watched Nimona and LOVED IT. I know that technically it is an allegory for the trans community but I also saw myself in her as an autistic person. ALSO almost got in a car accident today because some car turned left right in front of me and I wasnt even scared until my mom started screaming but I was already braking. She said I should turn into the other lane since no one was there. It kinda scares me that I wasn't scared. I was just like "wow what an idiot". Anyways, I hope they're doing alright, though im kinda salty at them for getting me a car accident lecture for the next 15 minutes. Have a spectacular *rest* of your day reader! Stay classy.
Today's mission: Dont get distracted and actually make a spreadsheet for job opportunities
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Why hello there netizen! I just learned the meaning of that word and feel kinda silly for not guessing it before but you know what? ITS OKAY because now I have a fun word to use. This weekend Im going to be getting some service hours which will be good for NHS, some homework, and also ICEBOATING!! If you dont know what iceboating is, its basically a triangle frame with iceskates on the bottom and a sail. You sail/skate across the ice. We have two home-made iceboats and a DN my dad bought this summer. He just has to buy some new shrouds for it and it should be good. We were thinking about also sanding it down and sealing it with epoxy because right now its just some lightly painted wood but who knows if we wil get to it. Also epoxy has a yellowish or off white haze to it which isnt the coolest for such a cool boat. Anyways, hopefully the ice is good somewehre so we can do it. I don't know how we will take the DN though because the mast doesn't fit in our car and we don't have a roof rack yet. Have a spectacular day netizen!
Today's mission: Finish some homework for a relaxed weekend.
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hellooooo strange earthians! 'tis the martian speaking from an ALTERNATE UNIVERSE! Luneth did not do any homework yesterday. She stayed after school to watch the wrestling tournament to the end and cheer for her friends. Then at home, her brother decided to be pleasant and wanted to teach her how to play fortnite and she quickly snatched the opportunity. Then she tried to gather the motivation to make food for herself but it was not there so she ate an apple for dinner (her parents were out for the night). By the time she was in her room to do homework, she was just too brain dead. Suddenly, inspiration smacked her in the face! These very old jeans her father gave her for working on remodling their house two years ago were sitting, unworn, in the back of her dresser. They were perfect for ART! 
So she spent the next two hours listening to her spotify wrapped playlist and drawing on the jeans and taking in the waist. Finally, she went to bed at 1:30am after taking a shower. She feels guilty for neglecting her work, but also glad that she got to be originally creative for the first time in a long time. Have a good rotation earth dweller and remember who you are, though you are a small particle on a pale blue dot, you still have a large impact. Maintain classical.
Today's mission: Continue to watch Luneth and hope that maybe she does some work
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Hello reader and happy Wednesday :D I get to watch our school's wrestling tournament today which I'm excited for. Since I wrestled last year, a large majority of my friends are still on the team. I have so much to do though. Whenever I work really hard to catch up and get ahead on homework I get so tired that I dont do homework for two or three days, and then I'm behind again. This is one of the stupidest cycles I let myself get stuck in. So today is another catch up day but I'm going to try to go to bed at a good time so I can keep up a good pattern. I have a really exciting trip coming up for Christmas and I don't want to have to think about homework the entire time. I hope you have a good day too reader! Keep your chin up :D
Today's mission: Get caught up on homework and stay positive
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Hello there! Today is a bright day. Much brighter than yesterday at least. The physical weather outside is awful though. I have lots of work to do because I missed school yesterday. I just finished a project I had a long time to do. Fun story: I started it this morning. But it was relatively easy. In my Humanities class we have to preform a scene from Hamlet and I would be excited except we are getting graded on our acting and use of the "stage" and I don't really trust my group to try that hard. Hopefully I can get a good enough grade. Have a spectacular day reader. You are awesome-sause!!
Today's mission: Stay productive with homework and maintain positive attitude
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Good day reader, It was the first day back to school after thanksgiving and by second hour I couldn't bear the stomach ache anymore. My mom picked me up and I got home and fell asleep until just now which is about 2:50 pm. The long weekend was good. My usually loudly political extended family stayed pleasant the entire thanksgiving evening. On friday, we had thanksgiving meal with the other side of the family and one of my cousins made the most delicious chocolate mousse. After we all had about a teacup full of it he was like "oh by the way it has four shots of espresso in it!" That night I was up till 3 am and then had the craziest dream. 
Well now I have some work to do because I missed school but I think I will feel exactly as productive as I would if I did go to school. Right now my cat is sleeping on my legs so I'm definitely not moving. He looks so funny in this picture but he is so cute. Thanks for being here reader. Have a spectacular day.
Today's mission: Be caught up on all school work and go to bed at a decent time
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Happy Tuesday Reader! I finally got my tamagotchi and I am thrilled. 
It is very cute and the style of it is very me. I probably will kill it every other day but keeping it alive isn't why I wanted it. I have had a pet on Onio's site and I called my blob "Hydrogen blomb" which was cute but I killed him at least once a week by accident so I have low expectations of this. In other news, it is tuesday but thanksgiving break starts tomorrow! so ITS FRIDAY MY DUDES! I'm trying to maintain a positive attitude today because hanging out with the extended family can be exhausting and I need to start the week off strong. Have a great tuesday or friday reader, keep it classy.
Today's mission: Look over astronomy test and learn from mistakes
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Hello!! i hope you are doing well reader. I am doing pretty well, feeling pretty tired. I accidentally stayed up too late last night because I was working on coding a new page. I want to make it very different from the rest of the theme of my site just for fun. I was also trying to code it all from memory and not use my other pages for reference or google too much. Today I get to meet with my mentor and catch up. I like meeting with her because she understands life, she has a wider perspective and good wisdom to share. Tomorrow I get to see my astronomy test which im excited for because I want to do well in this event and seeing the test will be helpful. Anyways, only two days of school this week. Hopefully you have a great week. Stay awesome.
Today's mission: Make good progress on WWI Serbia Project and mentally prepare for family thanksgiving
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Hello reader! Yesterday ended well, my partner and I placed 7th in Astronomy out of 36 teams which I am very pleased with. I didn't place in my other events (as expected) but our team did well overall. On the two hour ride I listened to about five or six episodes of "The Anthropocene Reviewed" which is hosted by John Green (one of my favorite artists/famous-ish people of all time) and it covers a variety of topics and reviews them on a five star scale. My favorite one I listened to was called "Hot dog eating contest and Chemotherapy". It was incredibly interesting and I highly reccomend it. Until next time.
Today's mission: Sit in boredom and think. Also share the podcast with my family.
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Whats up party people! Luneth is very content today. The science competition is going well so far. I've only done one event (astronomy) and I think we did pretty good. I have two more events of the day, Chemistry and Water quality. Not super excited for. I am excited for the results. Maybe my partner and I can ribbon in Astronomy. We did last year (8th). After this competition we drive the 2-3 hours home on the bus. Im not looking forward to that because theres about 35 hyper middle schoolers and the bus is uncomfortable. But I'm excited to go home to my cat and guinea pigs. Have a great day reader! Remember that you are incredible.
Today's mission: Maintain positive attitude and sportsmanship (even though I'm tired)
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Good day to the readers! Today is set to be a busy day. I just finished a math test before this. AP Pre-calc. I feel pretty good about it but I've learned not to trust myself about that anymore. Later today I leave for a science competition that is four hours away. I'm pretty excited. Anyways, lately I've been thinking about college and my life after highschool. It's been getting scarier. I think that its because I kinda like my life now. A year ago (or even just five months ago), I could not wait to move away. But lately I've really liked my life. Sure there are rough parts but I feel like I've settled into a routine. I finally have solid friends, I know a lot of teachers, I've managed to get some portions of my life under control and fend off the depression. Its frustrating because theres nothing I can do about it. Whether I go to college or not, I will graduate, and my life will never be the same.
Today's mission: Prepare for science competition tomorrow
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Hello and welcome to my first blog post. I'm going to take a lot of inspiration from my friend saoirse's blog which you can check out here On her site, she includes a goal of the day and a rotating food gif of the day. I want to do something similar. I will do my goal of the day and then maybe like a meme or something. Its funny, when I think about my website, there is so much about me as a person on here, but I'm pretty sure that my parents have never really looked here. The other day I was talking to my mom about my site and she said something like "well you only really spent like two weeks on it". Yeah thats true...during the day. I would do my college python course during the day and then from 9pm to 5am I was working on learning HTML and CSS and JavaScript to code this site. Almost two months went into this before school. You can check out my History tab here which shows all of the changes this site went through before the huge Wes Anderson revamp I did. But yeah I think I showed my parents and siblings my site once and after gathering that they didn't seem super interested, I stopped. I have lots of mixed feelings about it, am I hurt that they aren't totally invested in my website? Or is it nice to have a small corner that they don't know about? At any rate, I'm not going to tell them to look at my site or read my blog or even that I started a blog. I think it will be better that they find it on their own volition and that I don't know that they know. But I'm glad that you're here. Onwards!
Today's mission: Make blog page less plain
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